A shot in the dark

I feel great. That’s something I haven’t been able to say for a really long time, without some kind of ‘but’ attached to it. Isn’t that incredible? I feel great. End of sentence. 

 

I’ve been off my pain medication for about 10 days now, and I’m so happy to be done with all of that. I feel clearer and more focused on healing than I ever have, and being off pain medication was a huge first step I needed to take to move forward. It wasn’t easy, because feeling all the things I’ve been taking the medication to avoid for so long was incredibly unpleasant. But more than the physical effects, the emotional and psychological toll was much more challenging to get past. I had to really work hard at reminding myself that the discomfort would be temporary, and worth it. And I was right, it was temporary and it has been so worth it. 

 

So am I off pain medication and pain free? Technically yes. Which is something worth celebrating! But there is a little catch… I saw a second rheumatologist last week to see if there was anything that could come out of it – it never hurts to get a second opinion – and our conversation was very interesting. 

 

One of the things I asked him was about whether he had any insight on the whole ‘my body could be fighting the foreign objects (my implants) and creating an inflammatory reaction’ thing.

“I’ve seen it one time.” He said.

I was shocked – no doctor has ever even said that much to me! I was clearly taken back, and asked him more questions. He told me he had one patient who benefited from having her implants removed, and it cleared up symptoms she was experiencing that mimicked other autoimmune diseases. I asked how they knew it was her implants, and he said it was only figured out after surgery. Damn. Back to that. 

 

Then after lots of questions from him about my medical history and symptoms, he talked about how he thought my issue could be spondylitis  – a kind of inflammatory condition and arthritis in the back and spine. I asked him how it could be that, if there aren’t any markers in my bloodwork. He said it doesn’t always show up in tests. Oh, here we are again. 

 

So I’ve been told my implants aren’t a problem by many doctors because my bloodwork shows no inflammatory markers. But now this doctor is telling me that I can have spondylitis without any inflammatory markers in my bloodwork. Do you see why this is so frustrating? I’m always back to the same dilemma – how and when do I decide I have no choice but to remove my implants, as a complete shot in the dark. 

 

The reason why I feel great is this. The rheumatologist gave me a hydrocortisone shot. He said that if I got the shot and the pain went away then it would be a good indicator that the inflammatory condition in my back was likely a problem – maybe even THE problem. I wasn’t interested at first, the idea of taking a shot of medication as a guess didn’t feel right. Plus I was only off the Percocet for a few days at this point, so I wasn’t through the amount of time I needed for the withdrawal symptoms to wear off. To put it simply, I didn’t know what was responsible for the pain and discomfort. It wasn’t until he assured me it is relatively low risk for a possibly big pay off – OH and he may have mentioned that his schedule was booked so far in advance it was kind of now or never – so I decided to give it a shot. A shot. Get it?? Besides, it’s not like pumping my body full of medication was something I wasn’t used to… What’s one more try? I got the shot, booked a follow up and went on my way. He said that if the pain disappeared, and then reappeared in 2-3 weeks then it was a strong indicator that we were on the right track.

 

So here I am, a week after that appointment and I haven’t felt my achy and radiating pain in pretty much that entire amount of time. Sure, there is a bit of lingering fatigue and malaise… but where did the pain go? It’s gone. Was it the shot? Probably. Or has my pain been better for a while now, but the Percocets had me on the revolving cycle that perpetuated the pain and unwell feelings? I guess I’ll know in a couple weeks. 

 

The very optimistic side of me thinks that maybe this shot will wear off and I will feel as good as ever. Maybe my body just needed time to get back to a place where I didn’t have to worry about it as much. It isn’t impossible for things to just get better – and I’ve been putting in the work with my mind-body connection, mindfulness, mindset and physical rehab – so it isn’t impossible that I just may have made the best effort and a lot of good decisions lately to support this. I am doing this, everything I’ve been working for could finally be here. 

 

My energy level fluctuates, but for the most part I’m happy and hyper. My workouts at the gym have been better than I imagined this early on, and I think being back at the gym (now that you need to have your vaccines, it made me feel comfortable going back) with machines that can help stabilize me so I can be more targeted with my strength training has been a game changer. I’m less likely to hurt myself, or overdue it, or tweak something when I’m being so intentional with what I do. It feels great to be back! And I’m stronger than I thought I would be, so that’s a bonus. 

 

As for the Spartan race I spoke about a few weeks ago – I’ve decided I can’t do it. It pains me to make that decision, because I love jumping into challenges like that… but I’m terrified of hurting myself and setting myself back. Doing hundreds of burpees and all those intense obstacles would definitely be risky, and I just can’t take those risks. My husband is going to do it, and my kids will do the kids race. So this year I’ll sit on the sidelines and cheer them all on, the same way they’ve sat on the sidelines cheering me on so many times before. And next year will be my turn of course.

 

Well, here’s to another week of strength and optimism! 

Quit it and hit it

Earlier this week I woke up one morning and I thought to myself ‘today is the day’. The day I won’t take any of my narcotic painkillers, and the day I’d try something new to feel better and live better. That was the day I had the courage to let it get worse before it got better, if that’s what it took. It was the day I had to quit taking something that I’ve grown very used to needing to get through my days – for almost nine months. 

 

I’ve been wanting to stop taking Percocet for many months now. I didn’t like being so reliant on medication like that, and there is a huge stigma that follows opioids, making it something I didn’t particularly like to share with many people. When I did mention it to people, the amount of times I heard ‘be careful, those drugs are super addictive you know’ are too many to count. Yes, yes I do know, thank you. 

 

I started taking them in January of this year, 2020. It started a couple days after we rang in the New Year virtually with friends – when I realized I wasn’t nursing a hangover, I was just straight up not feeling well. I remember thinking ‘Oh no… I must have another infection’, because that is exactly what it felt like. A flu-ish type malaise, body aches, headache, sore muscles, fatigue, etc. were my symptoms – but I couldn’t figure out where the infection actually was. I hadn’t had any operations or surgeries for a few months, and there wasn’t any visible sign that my body was fighting something, like it had in the past. 

 

I had an appointment with my family doctor, and after trying anti-inflammatory medications and muscle relaxants – we switched to the Percocet because I had success with it in the past, and I tolerated it well. I also really needed it, the symptoms were getting really bad and it was hard for me to get through my days. It started with just one dose a day, eventually moving to twice a day, and a few months in – since this past summer – I have been taking it three times a day. 

 

A drug like Percocet can begin to lose its effectiveness over time, so I assumed that’s why I kept needing more of it. My doctor assured me that since I was on what was considered to be a very low dose, it was more likely that my symptoms were getting worse. I was taking the medication at strategic times during my day so I felt well for specific or important parts. I’d try to hold off as long as I could in the morning on days when I had later nights, or I’d take them much earlier in the day sometimes for things like work and it meant I’d have a more challenging evening. It was exhausting constantly counting the hours in my head, analyzing every little thing I felt in my body, and knowing that I couldn’t be on this medication forever… I have to be careful you know…

 

I hated taking it, I felt guilty, I was worried about addiction – because even though I was fine, I’m smart enough to know that no one starts taking medication like that with the intention of becoming addicted – and there were negative side effects as well. I couldn’t imagine being on it for so long, but that’s how time works… it just keeps ticking by, one day at a time, while I hunted for answers regarding why I was dealing with everything I was dealing with. 

 

BUT. Here I am. Opioid free for almost a week. I know it doesn’t sound like a very long time, but I promise you, the days have been incredibly long while I wait out and analyze everything I’m feeling, to see what I’m actually feeling. I knew I had to be off the medication so I could really know what my symptoms are, and how bad they are, before I make huge decisions about what I do next. I couldn’t keep silencing the symptoms, because there was always a chance that things had been improving, but the medication could be masking it, or the side effects could be disguised as my original symptoms. It was complicated. So I’m trying to make it simple. No drugs, just symptoms. 

 

Of course I can’t even trust my symptoms right now, because there is definitely a period of detox. Although I was on what would be considered a low dose, you can’t consistently take something like that and expect there to be no withdrawal symptoms for at least a small period of time. I couldn’t get an appointment with my doctor fast enough, so I did what all humans would do in my position – I googled the shit out of it. 

 

Let me tell you, Google was not kind. When you google this kind of thing – ‘how to stop taking opioid medication’ or ‘how to ween off Percocet’ or my personal favorite, ‘how long do withdrawal symptoms last’ – you get a whole bunch of information that was designed to help people kick a serious addiction, and although I would never consider myself an abuser of prescription drugs, it definitely doesn’t make me feel good to be reading up on all of it. And it definitely didn’t make me excited to go ahead and stop taking it. The internet told me it was going to suck, so it was going to suck.

 

But I had to quit. I knew what I had to do, and I had a timeline in my head. For a little while, every day I hoped it would be the day, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was scared, and I didn’t want to feel like shit, because well quite frankly, it sucks. But then one day I got an advertisement on my Instagram feed for the Spartan race. It’s happening at the end of October in Ontario, and it’s the race I did a little over three years ago, before the whole cancer thing went down. Maybe I could do it. This gave me the push I needed to make it happen. This is the kind of unrealistic goal that makes me overcome and thrive! It’s what I do.

 

So, in an effort to kick the drugs, and determine if it was actually a realistic possibility for me to be able to do the race that definitely requires a considerable amount of upper body strength – I decided my strategy would be to keep moving and exercising through all of the withdrawal symptoms. I would walk, strength train, run when I felt good, and walk some more. I even did three full sets of proper burpees on the first day, to see if I could do them. In the Spartan race, if you can’t do an obstacle then you have to do a 30 burpee punishment, and I know I’ll be doing a lot of burpees – like a couple hundred –  if I decide to take this on. 

 

It was hard, but I believe I’m through the hardest part. I obviously felt the aches and pain that the medication used to cover up, but I also dealt with insane restlessness, insomnia, hot flashes and chills, fatigue, shortness of breath, lightheadedness, heart palpitations, excessive yawning, and really bad nausea. Plus, my head was not in a good place. I was depressed, unhappy, irritable… and even though rationally I knew that it was the effect of not having that happy kick in the brain the Percocet used to provide – it didn’t make those psychological symptoms any easier. I have been taking regular strength anti-inflammatories like Advil to help me get through the busier parts of my days, but that’s it. 

 

Then yesterday I woke up and my body and mind felt lighter. I got up early, had a really great strength training session, walked it off afterwards to help my body recover… and had a really good day. Was it totally normal? No. I still have some shit to deal with. BUT, I will admit, my symptoms are not as bad as I worried they’d be. In fact, I’m even optimistic that in a few more days I’ll feel even better. Maybe – just maybe – my body just needed all that time to straighten itself out. I’m choosing optimism, and hope. 

 

My rheumatologist told me that it is possible that my body hasn’t recovered from the serious infection I had last summer. He told me that when someone goes through something like I did, and dealt with all the harsh treatments and surgeries that I did, my body’s pain receptors could have been affected, and essentially they could have been malfunctioning. He told me that it wasn’t impossible to be experiencing all these symptoms and issues even a year later. It’s frustrating to have all sorts of guesses about what the problem could be, but no answers. I’ll have to get comfortable with the fact that I may never get a proper explanation, but I’m not against never knowing as long as these symptoms go away and I can enjoy a pain free existence. That’s a problem I’d love to have – never knowing. 

 

So what’s next? More time off medication, another appointment to get a second opinion with another rheumatologist this week, a naturopath appointment with a specialist in the mind/body connection, more mindfulness and meditation practices – something I give a lot of credit in my ability to work through pain and discomfort everyday – and lot’s of moving. Remember, moving not only helps you physically, but it does even more mentally. Plus, apparently I have a spartan race to train for! (wink)

 

You’re still working out, right?

I’m totally speaking to all of my clients who are currently unable to workout with me. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Hey guys, I still see you! I’m obviously talking to everyone too, because everyone should be working out regularly, for no other reason then it is GOOD FOR YOU! Didn’t you hear? So, I put on my personal trainer hat for a few and put this together for you guys!

 

This at home workout is easy to follow and requires no equipment.

 

Simply perform each exercise for 50 repetitions, no matter how long it takes.

Perform the 1 minute skipping interval. (Replace with other medium intensity cardio if you need to)

Move on to the next exercise for 50 repetitions, and so on.

 

Notes:

50 Squats: Feet shoulder width apart, sit back while keeping chest up

50 Forward Lunges: Step forward into each lunge, and push back to standing, alternate legs.

50 Caterpillars: Start standing with legs close together, keep them straight as you bend down and crawl out into a plank, then crawl backwards up keeping legs straight to starting position

50 Wide Squats: Take a wider stance, as wide as it’s comfortable and squat down

50 Push Ups: Plank position, lower chest to the ground, and back up

50 Triceps dips: Grab a chair, couch or stair – sit on it, then lift butt and step out, lower up and down bending at the elbows

50 Back Lunges: Step backwards into a lunge and then pull back to standing position, alternate legs

50 Up/Down Planks: Get into plank position on elbows, then lift up onto hands, lower back to elbows, lift up to hands – maintaining plank the whole time, and alternate leading arm

50 Toe Touches: Standing, with legs locked straight, stretch arms above your head, then touch your toes, and then straighten all the way back up keeping legs straight and weight in heels

50 Sit Ups: Lie down, knees bent and bring your body up into sitting position

 

Screen Shot that sh*t and GET IT DONE!

Shred 10

You’ve seen me talk about it, post about it, participate in it, and many others have joined me in the fun as well. Of course in addition to the tens of thousands of others who swear by it as well!

 

Is it a cult? Maybe. Is it dangerous. Absolutely. Is it worth looking into? That can be answered with another question, like do I like wine? And I was joking about the dangerous cult thing, unless that’s what you’re into.

 

The Shred 10 is simply a 10 day kick start to a healthier lifestyle program, that includes 10 days of kicking the habits that don’t serve you, and flooding your body with whole food nutrition. The objective to feel great, lose some weight and create healthier habits that will serve you in the long term. Like for life.

 

10 days people. It’s 10 days. It is not long, but it’s amazing what can happen in that time.

 

For example, if I can get through one weekend without wine (wine on weekends is my weakness – shocking) then it’s easier for me to make other healthier decisions. I go on a streak, and when I decide to indulge it is no big deal and doesn’t derail any progress I’m making.

 

Now for some people the difficult thing to give up for 10 days is caffeine, and for some people it’s hard to avoid refined carbs or gluten… and for others the hardest part is cutting back on dairy. We all have our thing. The best part about giving up some difficult to give up habits, is that you realize you don’t need them as much as you thought.

 

And then do you know what the EASY PART IS?? Getting dressed after 10 days on this program. Looking in the mirror is easier, being naked is easier, getting ready is easier and literally everything is easier because you feel so much better.

 

After the ten days is up, you’ll aim to continue the healthy habits to the best of your ability. And before you jump to conclusions and think that this sounds complicated – picture this:

 

Eat well most of the time, try to exercise most days, and work on things that make you happy at least a couple times a week for your mental and emotional health. No counting, no measuring, no points, no calculating, no diets, nothing. Focus on your mind and body. Trust me, this is the way to live.

 

It’s so easy, some would just call it normal life………. Wink wink.

 

So, this is how I live healthier. This is how my friends and colleagues all maintain their healthier lifestyles… and should you ever want more information I have it for you.

 

Your Workout: Timed hiit circuit, no equipment (video link)

Time this circuit! 30 seconds of each move.

8 moves , 20 minutes total. Take as little breaks as possible!

Up Down Plank

Butt 100’s – Curl back

Butt 100’s – Pulse

Butt 100’s – Side knee up

Butt 100’s – Curl back (other side)

Butt 100’s – Pulse (other side)

Butt 100’s – Side knee up (other side)

Triceps dip pulses

Your workout: Exercise band & crunches

Need a quick way to get a workout in while you’re at home, travelling for work or on vacation? You can pick up an exercise band from most major retailers for around $10. It’s easy to change the resistance by simply making the band longer or shorter with a wide or narrow stance, or by gripping the band in different places. Practice controlled movements, slowing it down to make sure you feel each repetition of each exercise properly.

Sequence 1: Do 15 reps of each exercise, repeat sequence 3 times.

Body weight squats

Side step shuffle (step on the band, push out to the side)

Standing bent shoulder fly

Forward leaning triceps kick back extension

 

Sequence 2: Do 15 reps of each exercise, repeat sequence 3 times.

Alternating forward lunges

Forward straight arm shoulder fly

Sitting narrow row

Standing bicep curls

 

Sequence 3: Ab crunches 4 ways. Do 20 repetitions of each exercise.

Twist crunch to one side, twist crunch to the other side, regular forward crunch, reverse leg up crunch.

Change your focus, change your life!

When it comes to making long term lifestyle changes we always seem to focus on what we should stop doing – do less of, ‘fixing bad habits’ and ‘bad behaviour’ and deciding that you can’t be successful unless you change who you are. Not true, and it doesn’t have to be complicated either. Let’s change what the focus is – let’s have a happier, more enjoyable transition to a healthier lifestyle. Here is how you do it:

Focus on what you should be adding to your life, do not focus on what you’re taking away. For example, add a daily workout or three workouts a week. Not only do you get the benefits from the exercise, but you have less time to do less healthy things like watch tv, eat out, etc.

Focus on what nutrition you could add to your daily diet, do not focus on what you should stop eating. For example, if you make sure you eat a huge salad everyday, have a nutritious smoothie as an afternoon snack, and eat all the vegetables in your fridge before they go bad – you will realize you’ve run out of time to have less nutritious food, or that you don’t want it since you’re on a good eating ‘streak’.

Finally, this is the most important point. Focus on what you’re gaining from a healthier lifestyle, do not focus on what you’re giving up. You are going to be gaining confidence, strength, better health, less sickness, more energy, save money, have more fun, wear whatever you want, and be happier. Do not focus on not being able to hit the drive thru, eat your favorite foods, losing time on the couch with the tv… You get the picture.

Healthy living is a balanced cycle. Jump in, put your healthy habits in motion and you’ll feel the desire to keep it up after you begin seeing – but more importantly feeling – the results! The healthier you eat, and the more you exercise – the less you’ll want to eat unhealthy and skip your workouts. That’s all it takes, that’s how people become those ‘fit-people’. It’s just a few simple steps and the momentum can be unstoppable.

What do you want for yourself?

Just do it. Today. Don’t hesitate.

Hesitation holds us back from so much. We didn’t speak up in a meeting, we don’t ask our partners for what we want, we don’t decide on that gym membership, we’ll get to grocery shopping another day… It is seriously a major issue when it comes to making change – and that is because change is uncomfortable, and our brain and body hates being uncomfortable! So, we hesitate. I’ll worry about it later, next time, tomorrow… and another year passes and you’re right where you don’t want to be… still.

It’s time for you to realize that all you need to do is make the decision to make a change. DECIDE that what you have always wanted is important enough that you won’t hesitate anymore and you’ll begin to take action in order to make it happen.

Here, I’ll tell you exactly what to do RIGHT NOW. It’s not hard.

THROW away all the junk food in your house. Today.

Join the gym, Bootcamp, Yoga studio, get a personal trainer. Jump online right after you read this. Do your research, don’t stop until you figure out how you want to do it. Then do it. Seriously. Or go for a run, immediately. Follow it up with push ups and squats – exercise is technically free if you want it to be.

Go grocery shopping. Don’t go hungry, and bring a list for the meals you want to prepare in the next few days. Throw away nothing, you can’t eat out if you have food at home that will go to waste. Eat at home as much as you can.

Find motivation. A support group online (Facebook, blogs, communities…), your friends, colleagues, anyone. Or hop onto Pinterest, all those motivational quotes can really help sometimes. Choose your favorites and put them somewhere you’ll see them all the time.

Pick a goal. A vacation, an outfit, an event – a hard deadline, and objective will make it much easier to reach. Don’t pick something too far away, make it in the near future and important enough that you’ll really care.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Close your eyes and imagine it, really imagine it.

THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING YOU, but you. Don’t get in your way. Change is what makes life exciting. Just decide.