Saying Tata to my tatas. (part 1)

Ah yes, the day I said goodbye to my tatas. What a day. My memory is still extremely vivid and full of details, so I figure why not let everyone in on what happened that day, and what the deal is now.

 

I’ve never had surgery before, so I was a little anxious about going under anaesthetic, and also about waking up with a permanently altered body… makes sense.

 

On the day of surgery I arrived at the hospital around 6am, with my husband, and was ready to just do what I had to do and go with the flow. One step at a time, they prepared me. I had to have a lymph node biopsied at the same time so I stopped in nuclear medicine first to be injected with two solutions in order to help them find the right lymph node – I was told it would be removed if it looked suspicious. But that’s all I was really told. Then I had my IV put in, and I waited around for a couple of hours until it was my turn.

             

 

I was visited by my plastic surgeon Dr. Omodele Ayani ahead of time. It felt pretty casual, cracking jokes as usual… And once it was my time someone led me to the operating room and I walked in and sat up on the table. I had two main surgeons – the general surgeon was responsible for the bilateral mastectomy (double mastectomy) and removing the cancer, and my plastic surgeon was responsible for the reconstruction process.

 

My plastic surgeon walked in to mark my body before surgery got under way, and I noticed he had a portable music speaker in his bag. Tunes, obviously. I was into it, but then I became instantly alarmed when he told me he’d be listening to John Legend’s Christmas album! Whoa whoa whoa. What. I told him that top 40 music was what I’d listen to… but hey I’m not the one with the sharp objects. The person with the sharp objects gets to choose the playlist. Check.

 

He started to mark my body for incisions as I sat on the table, so I  took the opportunity to make a joke about how my boobs looked before kids – and after kids.

 

It was obviously the appropriate thing to do.

 

Hey look, before kids *lift them up*

After kids *let them drop*

Before kids *lift them up*

After kids *let them drop*

 

That happened. I did that.

 

Friendly banter back and forth ensued… Fun with my tatas right until the very end!

 

So, now it was time to lay back and get the show on the road. Doctors and nurses were bustling around me getting ready. I was told it would be about a three hour surgery and that everything was going to be ok. Just as they were getting ready to put me under anaesthesia, I could hear my plastic surgeon ask ‘Hey who changed the music?!” because all of a sudden it was playing some typical top 40 hit. “Lindsy, did you put them up to this?!”. The mask was already on my mouth but I laughed, and denied it… although I’m sure no one could actually understand me. Then another doctor said he was the one who changed it. It was a pretty solid way for me to go under, because literally 3 seconds later, I was out.

 

I’ll never know exactly how much Christmas music was played, and that my friends, will haunt me until the end of time.

Feel yourself up

Everyone wants to know, did you find it? And how did you know it was a lump? Yes, I found it, although I don’t exactly remember when I first acknowledged it. I’d rest my hand on the side of my breast at night before falling asleep, because it just so happened to be a position I feel comfortable in…  and that was the only time I’d feel it. I remember starting to wonder ‘hmmm, what is that? Is that what a lump feels like? Maybe I should get it checked out.’

 

Cue life. I’d forget in the morning, and forget until the next time I slept in that position again.

 

The time frame isn’t clear, but I’m pretty sure I repeated this cycle for at least half a year, probably longer. It just didn’t feel like what a lump would feel like – so it probably wasn’t anything to worry about. PLUS what are the actual chances it turns out to be something.

 

The lump was soft, and more of an oval than a round ball shape. It didn’t move at all, and it wasn’t super defined. It was at the side of my right breast, along the curve that moves towards my armpit. It must have been getting bigger in size, because I was noticing it more, but it just didn’t’ quite feel like what I thought a lump should feel like.

 

It’s hormones.

But breast cancer runs in the family.

I just finished breastfeeding, so…

But I’m pretty sure that is a lump.

That’s not what a lump feels like.

What the hell does a lump even feel like?

There is no way this is Breast Cancer…

But what if.

 

Back and forth. It was the back and forth that finally made me realize I needed to just figure it out already. Plus, it was starting to hurt, like physically ache. Not all the time, but when it hurt it was really hard to ignore.

 

So, it was the second week in October and I finally remembered that I needed to make an appointment with my family doctor, to get this lump checked out. I made an appointment for the end of that week, just before I was leaving for a conference in Tampa.

 

My family doctor did a breast exam and told me ‘yeah that is something, let’s get an ultrasound’. She told me it was probably one of two things – neither of which were cancer. Lumps are common in women my age, they’re usually hormone related (see!) or cysts… nothing to worry about. BUT, she told me “because it feels rooted in it’s spot, and your skin slightly dimples around it, it has some characteristics worth looking further into”.

 

Ok.

 

Cue an epic trip in Tampa (picture above is courtesy of pool shenanigans). The lump in my breast hurt the entire time I was gone, and now it was weighing on me. I hadn’t told many people about my appointment, mostly because I’m not the kind of person to get worked up over something until I know it’s time time to get worked up. I didn’t want to make a big deal, I didn’t want to worry anyone.

 

I get home, and my appointment is Monday. I have the ultrasound and I find out that same day that I’ll need more testing. I was very disappointed, and upset. Mostly at the fact that it wasn’t nothing. At this point my spidey sense was going off… but again, what are the chances. My rational side was constantly crunching numbers and statistics – this would turn out to be nothing.

 

The next phone call I got was from the Breast Clinic at Southlake hospital, in Newmarket.

 

“Hi Lindsy, here are your appointments, to follow up the ultrasound you had yesterday (Monday)”

 

Mammogram Wednesday, Biopsy the following Wednesday (Oct 31, Halloween). Appointment to find out the results of the biopsy is on the following Wednesday (Nov 7) and if surgery is required it’ll be three weeks from that day (estimate November 28).

 

Oh. It was literally all lined up. And things were moving fast.

 

The moral of the story is that  I FOUND IT. I felt a lump, I finally got it checked out, and the doctors all did an amazing job of taking care of me. If I didn’t know what felt normal and what didn’t – if I didn’t regularly FEEL MYSELF UP (hehe) then it could have been much worse.

 

DO A SELF EXAMINATION. Even if you don’t know what you’re looking for. If it feels like something you aren’t sure about – get it checked out. If you have family history – ask for a mammogram or an ultrasound. If your gut is telling you that you should get checked out – do it.

 

Just listen to me and feel yourself up on the regular ladies!