Everyone wants to know, did you find it? And how did you know it was a lump? Yes, I found it, although I don’t exactly remember when I first acknowledged it. I’d rest my hand on the side of my breast at night before falling asleep, because it just so happened to be a position I feel comfortable in… and that was the only time I’d feel it. I remember starting to wonder ‘hmmm, what is that? Is that what a lump feels like? Maybe I should get it checked out.’
Cue life. I’d forget in the morning, and forget until the next time I slept in that position again.
The time frame isn’t clear, but I’m pretty sure I repeated this cycle for at least half a year, probably longer. It just didn’t feel like what a lump would feel like – so it probably wasn’t anything to worry about. PLUS what are the actual chances it turns out to be something.
The lump was soft, and more of an oval than a round ball shape. It didn’t move at all, and it wasn’t super defined. It was at the side of my right breast, along the curve that moves towards my armpit. It must have been getting bigger in size, because I was noticing it more, but it just didn’t’ quite feel like what I thought a lump should feel like.
It’s hormones.
But breast cancer runs in the family.
I just finished breastfeeding, so…
But I’m pretty sure that is a lump.
That’s not what a lump feels like.
What the hell does a lump even feel like?
There is no way this is Breast Cancer…
But what if.
Back and forth. It was the back and forth that finally made me realize I needed to just figure it out already. Plus, it was starting to hurt, like physically ache. Not all the time, but when it hurt it was really hard to ignore.
So, it was the second week in October and I finally remembered that I needed to make an appointment with my family doctor, to get this lump checked out. I made an appointment for the end of that week, just before I was leaving for a conference in Tampa.
My family doctor did a breast exam and told me ‘yeah that is something, let’s get an ultrasound’. She told me it was probably one of two things – neither of which were cancer. Lumps are common in women my age, they’re usually hormone related (see!) or cysts… nothing to worry about. BUT, she told me “because it feels rooted in it’s spot, and your skin slightly dimples around it, it has some characteristics worth looking further into”.
Ok.
Cue an epic trip in Tampa (picture above is courtesy of pool shenanigans). The lump in my breast hurt the entire time I was gone, and now it was weighing on me. I hadn’t told many people about my appointment, mostly because I’m not the kind of person to get worked up over something until I know it’s time time to get worked up. I didn’t want to make a big deal, I didn’t want to worry anyone.
I get home, and my appointment is Monday. I have the ultrasound and I find out that same day that I’ll need more testing. I was very disappointed, and upset. Mostly at the fact that it wasn’t nothing. At this point my spidey sense was going off… but again, what are the chances. My rational side was constantly crunching numbers and statistics – this would turn out to be nothing.
The next phone call I got was from the Breast Clinic at Southlake hospital, in Newmarket.
“Hi Lindsy, here are your appointments, to follow up the ultrasound you had yesterday (Monday)”
Mammogram Wednesday, Biopsy the following Wednesday (Oct 31, Halloween). Appointment to find out the results of the biopsy is on the following Wednesday (Nov 7) and if surgery is required it’ll be three weeks from that day (estimate November 28).
Oh. It was literally all lined up. And things were moving fast.
The moral of the story is that I FOUND IT. I felt a lump, I finally got it checked out, and the doctors all did an amazing job of taking care of me. If I didn’t know what felt normal and what didn’t – if I didn’t regularly FEEL MYSELF UP (hehe) then it could have been much worse.
DO A SELF EXAMINATION. Even if you don’t know what you’re looking for. If it feels like something you aren’t sure about – get it checked out. If you have family history – ask for a mammogram or an ultrasound. If your gut is telling you that you should get checked out – do it.
Just listen to me and feel yourself up on the regular ladies!
1 Comment
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing. Your honesty helps me to at least understand and “feel myself up” without second guessing or questioning. You are selfless, in a time when you could be so selfish with warrant.. You are way better than any WebMD.com self help thread!
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