It’s been a while since I’ve written in detail about what’s been going on in my world, and because I don’t believe in wasting time by dancing around anything delicately, I’m going to go ahead and just hit you with the headline – I am not technically ok.
I’ve been hesitant to share publicly because to be honest even I was becoming tired of hearing myself talk about all the health challenges I’m constantly facing. Plus, retreating into a quieter and smaller social media and ‘I’m an open book’ existence for a while felt good. I needed the break to deal with the things and gather the thoughts.
But as I think about entering the fourth quarter of this year, I can’t help but think about who else might be struggling out there. Are you struggling? So many of us are quietly dealing with our own shit storms, and I know how incredibly lonely that can be. You don’t have to be experiencing exactly what I’m experiencing to relate – you just have to be a human dealing with the hard human things. If you’re one of those humans, you have my empathy.
So, what’s the deal with me? I’ll be writing in more detail in the weeks to come, and the full stories will be available on my website. You can click on the link in my profile if you’re interested in more – and if you’re one of those humans who are also currently dealing with something hard, please send me a message – I’d love to hear from you.
I haven’t been feeling well for as long as I can remember – and I always had an explanation for it, starting with the fact that I was in cancer treatment, I just finished cancer treatment, this is probably just long-lasting effects from cancer treatment… you get the picture. I had reconstructive surgeries with complications, infections requiring serious treatments, I’m immunosuppressed due to my lifelong treatment for my Ulcerative Colitis, I’m a busy mom… I’m a working fitness professional… I slept wrong… it must be the weather… I was running out of things to blame.
My main problem is pain. No pain, no gain they say. But the gain part has been way harder to achieve then I ever expected. When was my comeback going to happen?? The comeback is what I’ve had my eye on this whole time, there is always a comeback. The bigger the setback the stronger the comeback – right?! Isn’t that a quote I shared on this account a couple years ago? Yes. Yes that was me, an eternal optimist. I still am, I’ll get my comeback – this is my comeback, I guess… I just suppose some comebacks take longer than others.
Every single day my bones ache, if I let it get bad my joints will also begin to ache. I feel fatigue, malaise, headachy, and overall unwell. I describe it to others that it’s kind of like what it feels like when you have the flu, or an infection. My back is a problem. The daily back pain is getting to the point that this body feels like it’s 100 years old and even the simpler things like sitting down while I write this story is becoming incredibly difficult. I’ve been managing my pain with medications and physio, osteopathy and myofascial release sessions. My schedule is full of doctor appointments, diagnostic tests, treatments and follow ups.
Now, what you see on social media is real. I’ve been sharing some happy moments, some smiling pictures – because I’m also incredibly happy and enjoying life the way I know how – to the fullest. Dealing with these kinds of setbacks and challenges have always fueled my determination to propel forward and reinvent the way ‘sick people’ live their lives. After all, I have an inflated understanding of how precious our health is. And how precious life is.
I am also hyper aware that time is quite literally the only thing that matters, because it is one of the only things that we can’t manipulate – time ticks by no matter how you live your life, and more specifically time ticks by whether your back hurts or not. You must do everything you can to make the most of your time. It’s a daunting task I know, but I can’t think of a more worth while one.
My kids will always have a fun mom. My husband will have an energetic, charming and attractive wife. My friends will always get my full attention and support, and I’ll always strive to be the life of the party! Ha. My family will always get my good mood for the important moments. My clients will always get maximum effort with their fitness training and life coaching. My business will become a bigger part of my life. I will be who I want to be and do what I want to do.
At least that’s my intention, and I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job so far. I’m feeling something in the air, a certain renewed energy to continue the quest for an above average life on this very loooooong comeback, and to help others along the way. That’s the purpose in all of this, isn’t it? To be human, with humans, for humans. We’re so lucky to be human, on this beautiful earth. I will continue to live every day with that on my mind. Gratitude and optimism wins, every single time.
And listen, I know it isn’t always rainbows and fireflies – and I can assure you it isn’t. But I’ll save that for another day. For now, I’ll stop there. Thank you for reading.