For those of you who have been following my blog, and this whole journey – you will have noticed that I’ve been pretty MIA lately. I went pretty quiet on social media, haven’t written a blog in over a week and haven’t been my usual busy self.
My latest treatment (number 4) really knocked the wind out of me. I know it’s because the effects are starting to add up, and it’s getting harder for my body to bounce back… but it’s still something that took me by surprise.
Immediately after the treatment I feel something that I can describe best as a certain ‘heaviness’. My body feels heavy, my eyes feel heavy, I can really feel my heartbeat in my chest and I am just generally moving slowly. My eyes were so dry it was hard to keep them open, and the constant dehydration is a battle.
During the first three days after treatment I’m given oral medication to take at home, and once that is done – I go through a new phase of effects. The nausea was constant, the fatigue made normally easy tasks difficult, and I slept a lot.
I also have to take shots every day, for seven days, after each treatment. The shots aren’t a huge deal, and they’re very important because they’re what helps my immune system battle normal everyday things like colds/flus/virus/etc. by increasing my white blood cell count. These shots cause some major body aches (the doctors call it bone ache because it actually makes your bone marrow ache), and that is what I’ve struggled with the most.
I’ve been dealing with some other little things like peeling fingertips, tingling in my hands and feet, food aversions, mouth sores, and a lasting burning sensation in my throat caused by a growing list of food and drinks.
Guys, I still have my eyelashes and eyebrows though – so I feel like a winner! Seriously.
Honestly, I’m sure reading that all feels like a lot. And although it’s been pretty crappy, I know it means the medication is doing what it needs to do – save my life. Am I right?
Yeah, I said that.
Shit just got real friends. Again. Because it’s the truth.
My next treatment is in a few days and the cycle starts all over again, and I’m not looking forward to it, obviously. Especially since they’re giving me four new drugs for the remaining four treatments, and I’ve been warned they’re going to be even less pleasant than the first four.
Meh.
You have to do what it takes, whatever it takes, and that’s just what I am going to do.
6 Comments
You got this Linds! Cheering you on every step of the way! You’re a badass!!
Well fuckity fuck.
Cancer treatments, and their side effects, suck.
Hey is that my first official poem? I’ll call it “Fuck off, cancer. And take all your shit with you.”
I have no idea how awful these pains and grossness must feel, Lindsay. Thank you for being honest. Why hide it anyway. You’ve shown us that you can still kick ass after a diagnosis, and now you’re getting you’re butt kicked. BUT better days do come. Your body will feel good again. One day you’ll notice no nausea that day. Then no dryness. Then maybe no sore throat. I’m going to root for these better days to come soon and surprise you. For now, breathe deeply, listen to a good podcast, and rest. ❤️
You are killing it! Miss you and can’t wait till this is all over for you and we can celebrate! Thinking about you all the time ❤️
I guess I knew you would get tired at some point, but it still surprised me. As always your writing is amazing, honest, raw and wonderful. I’m so proud of you. Proud of the way you write, and that you do write and that you share. Not proud of cancer, that just bites.
You are such a badass! Your approach, courage and mindset are such an inspiration. I have been sharing your story with the young teenage girls in my classes. There are so many silent cheerleaders rooting for you! You got this.
Thank you for sharing! It is always my hope that by sharing my experience it can help others in some way. 🙂
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