Ah October. Beautiful, traumatic, October. This is the month that I am constantly reminded about my complicated relationship with the color pink – OH and that I have breast cancer.
It is breast cancer awareness month, and it happens to also be the month that I was originally diagnosed with breast cancer – 7 years ago! You know what they say… time flies when you’re fighting for your life.
You know, looking back at the very beginning I see someone who got really good at pushing through some really hard times, but was ‘fine’ because she always knew that there was an end to the chaos, the panic and the fear. Early stage breast cancer is super treatable. Some would even say “a good cancer” if they were really, really brave. Try saying that to someone’s face who has cancer.
I beat cancer back in 2020 and I was lucky enough to call myself a cancer survivor. I’d hear people say “wait, YOU had cancer? That’s so crazy you’re so good looking you’d never even know!” or something like that, I don’t exactly remember. A lot of compliments though, for sure.
Then my body had to go and release some secret stash of breast cancer cells and release them into my central nervous system. Rude. In other words, the cancer found a way to survive all the targeted treatment, radiation, chemotherapy and surgeries and metastasized.
In January of 2022 I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC). I know what you’re thinking – how many stages are there? 4. So when people hear ‘stage 4’ they might immediately think of endings. But here’s the truth – it’s not about dying – it’s about LIVING. Living bigger, brighter and more intentionally than ever before.
When we discovered that my disease progressed I was given very little hope that I’d be here long enough to continue experiencing all of the wonderful things life has to offer, for example like renewing my mortgage again. Spoiler alert, we just renewed our mortgage this past summer at a MUCH higher interest rate – lucky me!
But seriously, lucky me. I think about that all the time. I am so incredibly lucky that my first line of treatment is working so hard at keeping me stable. I am in active treatment right now and I will be for the rest of my life… that is as long as I continue to be one of the lucky ones.
This year I’ve decided that I want to use October for good, and aim my energy at making a positive impact in the cancer community, for my friends or your friends with breast cancer, and for anyone going through hard times in general. For the next month, I’ll share the raw, the real, the painful, and the joyful truths of living with incurable cancer. I’ll tell stories about my diagnosis, the lessons I’ve learned, the moments that made me laugh until I cried… and the times I cried until I laughed.
Basically, I’ll share the wisdom I hope my children, my friends, my family, and all of you will carry forward.
This isn’t just about me. It’s about helping everyone remember that life is fragile, precious, and far too short to waste.
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